I have been flying since I was six months old, but this week I crossed a new threshold in my traveler journey. My husband and I braved flying with kids. Specifically our toddler and preschooler. And, well… Mama’s got thoughts.
To give you a frame of reference for what specifically we faced that led to my newfound enlightenment – Each travel day was around 13 hours door to door. On both travel days we had two flights, one around an hour and a half, and one around four to four and a half hours. We broke up the flights in Atlanta with three hour layovers, both of which included (admittedly privileged) access to a very nice lounge.
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Lovingly Calling BS
There are so many sites and videos out there that will tell you some thing will save the day when you’re traveling with kids. These talking heads tout a list of specific toys or apps to distract the kids or travel gear that makes them sleep like peaceful little angel nuggets at 30,000 ft.
I am sure each item that has ever been recommended did work, in some capacity, for some kid. But can we just call it like it is? Traveling with kids is an epic and unpredictable shit show for which there is no certainty or preparation.
So what the hell are we supposed to do? Below are the pep talks I was having with myself so you can use them as you need. Worst case, at least reading through them you’ll know you’re not alone. 💛
My Kid Isn’t Listening to a Damn Word
Travel turns kids into feral little big-feeling volcanos even when there isn’t a plane involved. Airports add an especially heinous layer to that overwhelm with their crowds and unpredictability. Shit – I get overwhelmed at airports and I’m 40 years old.
The change in their routine and the excess stimulation completely throws off their rapidly developing brain pans and makes them emotionally volatile and physically unable to process what you’re telling them in the moment.
Your kid is not giving you a hard time… they are having a hard time.
You are understandably exhausted, but try to be realistic with their mini psychological systems and what they can handle. Get down to their level and talk to them in a calm way. See if the airport you’re at has a little play area where they can burn off some of the crazy. Worst comes to worst, take advantage of the size differential and just pick their little ass up. Whatever you need to do to keep them safe and yourself sane.
My Entire Family is an Asshole
Fair enough, friend. Over the course of our trip I hated my husband, my four-year-old, and even my adorable, cuddly little one-and-a-half-year-old. They all sucked beyond redemption at least once.
At the end of the day though, you, your partner, and your kids make up a single team, even if you hate being on it at the time. You all have an aligned goal of getting where you’re going with as little distress as possible. The little goblins just don’t have the mental capacity, emotional maturity, or self regulation to do it on their own.
When everyone you’re traveling with feels like an asshole, just remember they’re your assholes and you’re all in this shit show together.
Remind yourself that you don’t always think they’re assholes, come up with a safe word with your partner for when you’re going to snap, and be prepared to let it all go when you land. Everyone is doing their best and travel days should never breed resentment that goes farther than baggage claim.
How Do I Find Grace & Just the Right Amount of Booze
You very well might get some grace from other passengers. While pacing my screaming daughter up and down the aisles, a woman walking past touched my arm and told me with a voice saturated with empathy, “I wish there was something I could do for you.” Those moments are beautiful, but rare. Most people just don’t care about anyone but themselves.
While it goes without saying that your kids will need some grace, and if you’re feeling spiritually generous you could throw a few shreds your partner’s way, the only person you can count on to show you any grace is yourself. I will say it again… Your only goal is to get where you’re going while keeping your kids safe and yourself sane.
Whatever you need to let go of to make that happen, I promise you it will be fine.
-Making sure your kids’ diet is balanced? That mess can wait til tomorrow.
-Screen-time limits so your kids’ brains don’t melt? Never heard of it.
-Social norms that frown on drinking before noon? That bore better look the other way and mind her own damn business.
While it goes without saying that you should not get black-out, shit-faced drunk when responsible for mini-humans, if a glass or two helps you stay relaxed and sane, you do you.
Things will get back on track and your kids will get back on routine. You will regain your sanity. Statistically speaking you will never see anyone around you again, so you do what you need to do.
Final Thoughts from an Exhausted Mama
Parenting is hard no matter where you are. We might as well take that show on the road and get a change of scenery. I for one do not want this season of life to get in the way of living.
Even though I am exhausted and have a few additional white hairs, I am already planning where my family should jet off to next.
If you’re in that same boat, I am so proud of you for taking on the challenge of traveling and flying with kids. And when you’re in the thick of it and feel alone, just know that you are not alone and I am rooting for you.
Cheers!
Over to You
Is it worth it to fly with kids? What helps you get through, whether it’s a thing or a mindset? What is the farthest you’ve flown with kids?
Let me know in the comments!
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